I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
