i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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