apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
