I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
