why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
