arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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