weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
