I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
