Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
