totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
