the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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