you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
