Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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