Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
