Umm I'm too high to move.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
