Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
