what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
