oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
