My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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