I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
