honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
