she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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