So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
