My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
