my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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