Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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