I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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