If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
