why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
