Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
