i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
