Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
