UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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