well you can't waste a boner
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
