so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
