Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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