My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
