I'm jealous of your bromance
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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