Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
