I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
