I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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