It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
