you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
