After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
