it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
