my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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