hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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