Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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