"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
