even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
