I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
