doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
