hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
