It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
