i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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